I don't think we're having the discussion you think we're having; I'm well aware of how "horrible" PHP is. But I program in plenty of languages and there is very little difference in code size, code organization, or pain between my code across those languages. I could translate my current PHP project in Python and the differences wouldn't be that great.
I imagine you haven't experience any real pain: programming large projects in VBScript, C++, or doing any work in COBOL. The minor irritations of PHP is just that.
I suspect your problem isn't so much PHP but the code that you have to work with written in PHP. Most PHP code is embarrassingly bad. I'm lucky that, for the most part, I don't have to deal with a lot of terrible PHP code. I bend PHP to my will, not the other way around. A lot of people fault the language design for the insane way people use it -- it doesn't have to be that way.
I indict the language designers for making it easy to write bad code. I agree it doesn't have to be that way, people can write good(-ish) code in PHP. It's just that the language team seems to go out of their way to make a language that doesn't appeal to a programmer's sense of symmetry, elegance, consistency, flow, and ease.
All of these things are easily worked around. As a sum though, they contribute to the overwhelming sense that the tool is created by -- and by extension, for -- dumbasses :)
Thankfully, the amount of PHP I have to maintain is decreasing and the time I spend on my own projects is increasing, which is when I get to use better languages.
In previous lives I have had to maintain/develop C++ as well, and I understand that it's painful. All pain is relative, I suppose. I'm sure a woman who has given birth to quadruplets would scoff at this notion of pain.
I imagine you haven't experience any real pain: programming large projects in VBScript, C++, or doing any work in COBOL. The minor irritations of PHP is just that.
I suspect your problem isn't so much PHP but the code that you have to work with written in PHP. Most PHP code is embarrassingly bad. I'm lucky that, for the most part, I don't have to deal with a lot of terrible PHP code. I bend PHP to my will, not the other way around. A lot of people fault the language design for the insane way people use it -- it doesn't have to be that way.